Wednesday, February 11, 2009

My Recent Intervention

I walked into the room, unsuspecting. There they all were and I knew something was up. I was asked to sit down and listen while they all read their statements to me about what they perceived as an "unhealthy" addiction. I crossed my arms to let them know that I was of upset, hurt, mad about what was going on. I let them speak.

"Kevin, you know we love you, but you have to get this addiction under control and we want you to seek help. It started when you were a wee lad in your parents gas station. Sneaking a little here and there. 'Nobody would ever know' you thought. Well, you were wrong. They knew but they did nothing to stop your addiction. They enabled it to go on for the last 30 years. I beg you to get help."

I said nothing and waited for the next person to speak.

"We've seen you and your sleepless nights. Bouncing off the walls, being obnoxious. It's a disgrace to your upbringing. It's hard for us to watch the path you are going down. If mixing it with water wasn't bad enough, you now just throw the stuff in your mouth with a chocolate coating and chew it. If you don't get counseling I'm afraid that you will never sleep again and die! Is that what you want? Please get help now."

I looked over at the last person waiting to speak.

"I have watched this tear apart your life for years, but it's become worse as of late. First it was the singles, then the doubles, then you started with small bags and now THIS (putting the bag below on the table). If you can't get this under control and seek help, I'm afraid you leave us no choice but to kick you out of our lives forever."

I now have new friends and a five pound bag of Organic French Roast coffee. If you need a dealer, let me know. No more interventions though. Everybody deserves one addiction.


Lindsey J said...

You're trying to claim this is your only addiction?

wow, denial.

bikingbrady said...

Thanks for THAT laugh. Well, there is this two wheel thingy that I like a little bit too.

Road Legs said...

I want a cup or two

Snakebite said...

I'd go for this if I were you:

Herself, the GeekGirl said...

I figured it would be all about the cycling thing. now THAT's a weird addiction.